ZOMG ONLY ONE DAY LEFT TO ANSWER THE QUIZ!
you know you want to
you know you want to
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Fear, Shame, and Guilt
Generally we find
Fear, Shame, and Guilt
at the gym
in the cafeteria
in front of the mirror
the exploitation
of insecurity
for profit
for diets and clothing and makeup and surgery
I am not above it
I have not been above it, to say
I still have
fear, shame, and guilt
it is very similar
the reason
and I feel it today
Today in class I felt unwell
it seemed that my digestive system was not
accepting
of my lunch
dammed Mango Tango
anyways
we were discussing body image
and we were asked
"who is fully content with their body, does not want to change anything"
raise your hand
and I missed the moment
and now I feel
fear, shame, and guilt
because my fear
is that one day I will not love my body
and my shame
is that I said that I did not
and my guilt
is not raising my hand
Fear, Shame, and Guilt
at the gym
in the cafeteria
in front of the mirror
the exploitation
of insecurity
for profit
for diets and clothing and makeup and surgery
I am not above it
I have not been above it, to say
I still have
fear, shame, and guilt
it is very similar
the reason
and I feel it today
Today in class I felt unwell
it seemed that my digestive system was not
accepting
of my lunch
dammed Mango Tango
anyways
we were discussing body image
and we were asked
"who is fully content with their body, does not want to change anything"
raise your hand
and I missed the moment
and now I feel
fear, shame, and guilt
because my fear
is that one day I will not love my body
and my shame
is that I said that I did not
and my guilt
is not raising my hand
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Fantastic!
 |
| Matthew Gray Gubler/Dr Reid IN MY LIBRARY :) |
 |
| another insane doctor who fan exists somewhere on campus, and I love them |
that is because, for much of my life
I have lived in fantasy worlds
there have been a number of them, originating in the minds of various authors and later television writers
translated and transformed into a safer place for my mind to travel to
when things got complicated
or friends left
I'm not saying that I told everyone my name was Rose or ran into wardrobes hoping there was somewhere else hidden behind the coats
just that sometimes, reality looks like the less viable option
the inferior world
of course, critically this is absurd because of the incredible amount of destruction found in shows(in Dr. Who and Torchwood, remarkably all in Britain ^^)
I'm just saying
that this flyer made me happy
a sense of community with someone I don't know at all
an instant and transcendent connection
frivolous, but enough
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
The Blue Skies
You look and see the blue skies
can't see the chill
They tell you about the blue skies
they forget the wind
you go and feel the cold
rushes past your skin
if you don't find the blue skies
you just tell of the chill
can't see the chill
They tell you about the blue skies
they forget the wind
you go and feel the cold
rushes past your skin
if you don't find the blue skies
you just tell of the chill
Monday, March 28, 2011
Humans and People
people aren't people when you pass them on the street
they are measured
by your perceptions
are they social constriction?
are they your audience?
are they in the way?
are they making you uncomfortable?
are they a reflection
of what you are feeling?
of loneliness or pain?
do they remind you of something, or someone else?
because most people
are not people
to you
when they are lost
a human loss
casualties
the numbers grow larger
and if you try to imagine
but you can't
not then, of all times
that every human
is a person
you are a person
I am a person
but if I see you on the street, you may not be
to me
and I
to you
everyone is a person
humanity
an entity
and every person an entity as well, as complex
each one as the last
recognizable only to some
a terrible few
I can not even
now
ask that you consider
every human
a person
those you see, those you hear
hear of
I have tried it
there is a point where it is no longer real
where a person is not a person
yet again
and humanity returns to a more mediocre
backround
white noise
rainbow noise
they are measured
by your perceptions
are they social constriction?
are they your audience?
are they in the way?
are they making you uncomfortable?
are they a reflection
of what you are feeling?
of loneliness or pain?
do they remind you of something, or someone else?
because most people
are not people
to you
when they are lost
a human loss
casualties
the numbers grow larger
and if you try to imagine
but you can't
not then, of all times
that every human
is a person
you are a person
I am a person
but if I see you on the street, you may not be
to me
and I
to you
everyone is a person
humanity
an entity
and every person an entity as well, as complex
each one as the last
recognizable only to some
a terrible few
I can not even
now
ask that you consider
every human
a person
those you see, those you hear
hear of
I have tried it
there is a point where it is no longer real
where a person is not a person
yet again
and humanity returns to a more mediocre
backround
white noise
rainbow noise
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Far too
When they say that I am like you
I think no way
I am far too special
far too unique
far too different
to even speak
of similarities
When they say that i am like you
You think no way
I am far too special
far too unique
far too different
to even think
of similarities
I think no way
I am far too special
far too unique
far too different
to even speak
of similarities
When they say that i am like you
You think no way
I am far too special
far too unique
far too different
to even think
of similarities
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Need
I hate fundraising
right now I am fundraising for an organization called Unite For Sight
and I hate it, not the organization
but the need
the money
I hate money
and I hate need
when I need people
it makes me feel
terrible
anxious
uneasy
angry
because I always feel
like they will let me down
purposely put me down
and the more I give
of myself
the worse I know they can make me feel
when they leave
when they turn
which I know is not
an inevitability
but it feels as certain as death
at least in the beginning
at first
and then every once in a while
after that
right now I am fundraising for an organization called Unite For Sight
and I hate it, not the organization
but the need
the money
I hate money
and I hate need
when I need people
it makes me feel
terrible
anxious
uneasy
angry
because I always feel
like they will let me down
purposely put me down
and the more I give
of myself
the worse I know they can make me feel
when they leave
when they turn
which I know is not
an inevitability
but it feels as certain as death
at least in the beginning
at first
and then every once in a while
after that
Sunday, March 20, 2011
The Healthy Life
I live on the 3rd floor
and I hate when people on my floor take the elevator
none of them are disabled, rarely are they carrying things
it is just laziness
and the most ironic, terrible part
is that they probably "work out"
going to the gym multiple times a week
on the stairmaster, the treadmil
and then, in regular life
taking the elevator
and the bus
such is our generation, relying on technology for
absolutely everything
trying to be "healthy" and active
but living everyday life in a lazy way
pushing the status quo to the rediculous
and making me sick
and I hate when people on my floor take the elevator
none of them are disabled, rarely are they carrying things
it is just laziness
and the most ironic, terrible part
is that they probably "work out"
going to the gym multiple times a week
on the stairmaster, the treadmil
and then, in regular life
taking the elevator
and the bus
such is our generation, relying on technology for
absolutely everything
trying to be "healthy" and active
but living everyday life in a lazy way
pushing the status quo to the rediculous
and making me sick
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Looking Forward
To tonight, the weekend
To finding out about that camp job
To the next warm sunny day
To important packages in the mail
To Birthdays
To Visits from friends
To adventures
To opportunities of a lifetime
To summer break
To fun at camp
To a lot of reading
To the return of that show, and the other one too
To seeing you again outside of school
To that class, that looks really neat
To the other one that sounds interesting
To the next break, and the next
To success
To acceptances
and maybe the rejections too
To more learning
To practice and training
To celebrations
To working long hours
To making a difference
To doing what I love
To happily ever after
To the sunset
and everything in between
the days and the seconds
the time this takes
the next post too
but mostly today
To finding out about that camp job
To the next warm sunny day
To important packages in the mail
To Birthdays
To Visits from friends
To adventures
To opportunities of a lifetime
To summer break
To fun at camp
To a lot of reading
To the return of that show, and the other one too
To seeing you again outside of school
To that class, that looks really neat
To the other one that sounds interesting
To the next break, and the next
To success
To acceptances
and maybe the rejections too
To more learning
To practice and training
To celebrations
To working long hours
To making a difference
To doing what I love
To happily ever after
To the sunset
and everything in between
the days and the seconds
the time this takes
the next post too
but mostly today
What is Busy
I have a lot to do
but a lot of times, I don't feel busy
i guess I associate busy with motion
and a lot of what I halve to do involves sitting on my computer
or at my desk
generally not leaving my room
except for class
Of course
I do leave, and quite often
things that are not necessary, but are needed
for sanity
but still, there is the stress
from what I need to be accomplishing
for a frame of refrence
here are my tabs:
I have said my life is a clusterfuck of internet activity
and do not be misled
I am not complaining
I want to get an Iphone just to bring it all with me
everywhere I go
and I know
that the complexity of my obligatieons
is something I chose
I don't need to be taking 20 credits or volunteering in Ghana
so no complaining
because my life is awesome
and a little bit busy
but that is the way I like it
but a lot of times, I don't feel busy
i guess I associate busy with motion
and a lot of what I halve to do involves sitting on my computer
or at my desk
generally not leaving my room
except for class
Of course
I do leave, and quite often
things that are not necessary, but are needed
for sanity
but still, there is the stress
from what I need to be accomplishing
for a frame of refrence
here are my tabs:
 |
| yes they do take two pictures...but there are repeats |
 | |
| and yes, with the ironic "time management" XKCD comic, what can I say |
 |
| oh and windows |
I have said my life is a clusterfuck of internet activity
and do not be misled
I am not complaining
I want to get an Iphone just to bring it all with me
everywhere I go
and I know
that the complexity of my obligatieons
is something I chose
I don't need to be taking 20 credits or volunteering in Ghana
so no complaining
because my life is awesome
and a little bit busy
but that is the way I like it
Thursday, March 17, 2011
False Spring
Today it is lovely
bright, sunny
and yet haunted by the fact
that it is but false spring
translucent and short
a mere reprise
from cold and wet and dark and dull
so bathe in it
and forget
the future
bright, sunny
and yet haunted by the fact
that it is but false spring
translucent and short
a mere reprise
from cold and wet and dark and dull
so bathe in it
and forget
the future
An Anniversary
I do regret to inform you
that I must be cryptic
on this, the anniversary of the day
so many years ago
is it the day? I confess my memory has swallowed
the exact date, the time that it all came undone
and I do admit
that time has not rebounded
the tearing on my heart
that began then
the slicing of my spirit
to ribbons
tied now into bows
respectable, contained
moving forward, you say
you all say
but i find it hard to
believe
when that has always been a mistake
to be paid
that I must be cryptic
on this, the anniversary of the day
so many years ago
is it the day? I confess my memory has swallowed
the exact date, the time that it all came undone
and I do admit
that time has not rebounded
the tearing on my heart
that began then
the slicing of my spirit
to ribbons
tied now into bows
respectable, contained
moving forward, you say
you all say
but i find it hard to
believe
when that has always been a mistake
to be paid
Sunlight
A while back
I decided, as I do sometimes
to look up something random
I am not solid on the original inspiration
but I was spurred to write today
by my conversation with James
(as well as, I admit, the beautiful sunny weather today)
about random knowledge
something I sometimes pursue
whether to satisfy a curiosity
or for really no reason at all
so today I wanted to talk about Human Photosynthesis, something I googled
a while back
after, if I remember correctly, a Bio class
now, quite a few pages came up when this was searched
and although Answers.com is against the idea
there are proponents
namely, this lovely fellow
Hira Ratan Manek(Picture from the "Center For Human Evolution")
apparently has been living on the sun's light for months at a time
in an interview by "New Connexion: Pacific Northwests Journal of Concious Living"(http://newconnexion.net/articles/index.cfm/2004/11/manek.html), the first question is "Hira, you stopped eating solid food in 1995 and have baffled the doctors and scientists who have studied you during water fasts of 211 and 411 days. How do you manage it?"
that, is a good question
now, I do not believe this for a second, but this guy, still as prominent in the proposal of human photosynthesis as the day I fist looked it up,
promotes the ancient art
and references ancient sun worship
as well as a story about two people who lived for 50 years without food
so, if you want to test it out
stand in the sun for 10 to 15 minutes
every day right around sunrise or sunset
eat less food
and drink "solarized water"
which you leave in a glass jar in the sun
for the best effects
add gemstones
I decided, as I do sometimes
to look up something random
I am not solid on the original inspiration
but I was spurred to write today
by my conversation with James
(as well as, I admit, the beautiful sunny weather today)
about random knowledge
something I sometimes pursue
whether to satisfy a curiosity
or for really no reason at all
so today I wanted to talk about Human Photosynthesis, something I googled
a while back
after, if I remember correctly, a Bio class
now, quite a few pages came up when this was searched
there are proponents
namely, this lovely fellow
apparently has been living on the sun's light for months at a time
in an interview by "New Connexion: Pacific Northwests Journal of Concious Living"(http://newconnexion.net/articles/index.cfm/2004/11/manek.html), the first question is "Hira, you stopped eating solid food in 1995 and have baffled the doctors and scientists who have studied you during water fasts of 211 and 411 days. How do you manage it?"
that, is a good question
now, I do not believe this for a second, but this guy, still as prominent in the proposal of human photosynthesis as the day I fist looked it up,
promotes the ancient art
and references ancient sun worship
as well as a story about two people who lived for 50 years without food
so, if you want to test it out
stand in the sun for 10 to 15 minutes
every day right around sunrise or sunset
eat less food
and drink "solarized water"
which you leave in a glass jar in the sun
for the best effects
add gemstones
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Sorry to disapoint
I see the cursor blinking
at the end of the line
or worse
the beginning
and I know that it wants to travel across the page
and I know it has expectations
I have expectations
that I will type
and it will travel
so I am sorry if
you were expecting more
but I simply had to please it
regardless
of the consequence
at the end of the line
or worse
the beginning
and I know that it wants to travel across the page
and I know it has expectations
I have expectations
that I will type
and it will travel
so I am sorry if
you were expecting more
but I simply had to please it
regardless
of the consequence
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Alright Potter!
Today on glee
my very favorite couple, Kurt and Blaine, finally got together
I love them
1. becasue Blaine was also Harry Potter in A Very Potter Musical
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmwM_AKeMCk
which is FANTASTIC
2. because they are adorable, in a sometimes totally corney way
3. because Kurt was sad before and now things are looking up for once...seriously this might be one of the only things that has gone right for him the entire show.
not that I am an expert on glee
started watching...not at the beginning
and one thing I HATE
is homophobia
becasue I really feel bad
for the people it hurts, for the people who are hiding and for the people who they hurt becasue of this shame that society uses to exclude them and try to keep them quiet.
I don't understand how people can be so stupid, so blind and so ready to follow such hurtful dogma, how they can abuse or even kill people just for loving the wrong way.
humanity always finds a way to hate
I do understand how it is about control, about exclusion to create inclusion in a society
how people can find it disturbing, or not understand it
but why....in our new and enlightened age, can such old and idiotic prejudices be still upheld, still out-rightly defended and taught
why do people need someone to hate?
and better, why do they chose people who have never hurt anyone?
generalizations are...so idiotic
but so prevelent
humanity
needs to stop the practice of scapegoting
but even as I type the words I know that we are incapable
and that is what makes us stupid creatures blundering across the face of the planet
because no matter what
we hate
for no reason at all
my very favorite couple, Kurt and Blaine, finally got together
I love them
1. becasue Blaine was also Harry Potter in A Very Potter Musical
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmwM_AKeMCk
which is FANTASTIC
2. because they are adorable, in a sometimes totally corney way
3. because Kurt was sad before and now things are looking up for once...seriously this might be one of the only things that has gone right for him the entire show.
not that I am an expert on glee
started watching...not at the beginning
and one thing I HATE
is homophobia
becasue I really feel bad
for the people it hurts, for the people who are hiding and for the people who they hurt becasue of this shame that society uses to exclude them and try to keep them quiet.
I don't understand how people can be so stupid, so blind and so ready to follow such hurtful dogma, how they can abuse or even kill people just for loving the wrong way.
humanity always finds a way to hate
I do understand how it is about control, about exclusion to create inclusion in a society
how people can find it disturbing, or not understand it
but why....in our new and enlightened age, can such old and idiotic prejudices be still upheld, still out-rightly defended and taught
why do people need someone to hate?
and better, why do they chose people who have never hurt anyone?
generalizations are...so idiotic
but so prevelent
humanity
needs to stop the practice of scapegoting
but even as I type the words I know that we are incapable
and that is what makes us stupid creatures blundering across the face of the planet
because no matter what
we hate
for no reason at all
Anonymity and Lack Thereof
I have a thing
for being anonymous
probably because otherwise, people know things about me
which is unnacceptable
apparently
anything that keeps me a secret
is ok
AIM, Cokemusic, runescape, secretive facebook applications, fake email addresses
that was how I liked to talk to people
where they did not know me, could not see me
even people who in real life I did know
unfortunately that is absurd
but this is real, not in a physical, vocal way
but in a permanent, identifier-ridden kind of way
and that
is a breath of fresh air
for being anonymous
probably because otherwise, people know things about me
which is unnacceptable
apparently
anything that keeps me a secret
is ok
AIM, Cokemusic, runescape, secretive facebook applications, fake email addresses
that was how I liked to talk to people
where they did not know me, could not see me
even people who in real life I did know
unfortunately that is absurd
but this is real, not in a physical, vocal way
but in a permanent, identifier-ridden kind of way
and that
is a breath of fresh air
The Song
Let's sing a song about lemons
Lemons
Lemons are really good
Good!
Let's sing a song about lemons
Lemons
Don't you wish you could
Sing a song about lemons
Lemons
Lemons are really good
I think you get the picture
Camp, it is a problem
especially if you don't want repetitive songs permanently engraved in your neurons
but, that is why I make the big bucks
I, of course, loved this song
why?
because I am a child
ALSO
because it goes on forever
and it turns tables
it's like, a metaphor
for realsssss
because when somthing goes on forever, it is consistant and reliable
it never ends
you just don't get that anywhere else
of course
eventually it does end
when the other half gives up
our I do
on a more relevant facet
this is inspiration
to not give up on this
because life is crazy
and shows no signs
of becoming less complex
Lemons
Lemons are really good
Good!
Let's sing a song about lemons
Lemons
Don't you wish you could
Sing a song about lemons
Lemons
Lemons are really good
I think you get the picture
Camp, it is a problem
especially if you don't want repetitive songs permanently engraved in your neurons
but, that is why I make the big bucks
I, of course, loved this song
why?
because I am a child
ALSO
because it goes on forever
and it turns tables
it's like, a metaphor
for realsssss
because when somthing goes on forever, it is consistant and reliable
it never ends
you just don't get that anywhere else
of course
eventually it does end
when the other half gives up
our I do
on a more relevant facet
this is inspiration
to not give up on this
because life is crazy
and shows no signs
of becoming less complex
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