The Reality

Birthdays always remind me
of all the times that I hew a huge discrepancy between
imagination and reality
events that are supposed to change you
rarely do

alright I have to clarify that this is talking about birthdays, graduations, events that are socially implied and represent a transformation that in fact takes place over a great deal of time but is expected to be condensed into a specific celebratory day. Some events do change a person, typically these are traumatic, and while that is also important it is not actually what I am talking about at the moment.
but i digress, to an extent

and what is expected
was in fact already achieved in the expectations and the decisions
on a birthday
one does not feel different than the day before, for every day age increases equally, but instead they feel older and far different than the year before or five, ten years ago, I do not feel older from two days ago but I do feel older than a year or even a few months ago.
metamorphosis is a process

An Anniversary

I do regret to inform you
that I must be cryptic
on this, the anniversary of the day
so many years ago
is it the day? I confess my memory has swallowed
the exact date, the time that it all came undone
and I do admit
that time has not rebounded
the tearing on my heart
that began then
the slicing of my spirit
to ribbons
tied now into bows
respectable, contained
moving forward, you say
you all say
but i find it hard to
believe
when that has always been a mistake
to be paid