Need

I hate fundraising
right now I am fundraising for an organization called Unite For Sight
and I hate it, not the organization
but the need
the money
I hate money
and I hate need
when I need people
it makes me feel
terrible
anxious
uneasy
angry
because I always feel
like they will let me down
purposely put me down
and the more I give
of myself
the worse I know they can make me feel
when they leave
when they turn
which I know is not
an inevitability
but it feels as certain as death
at least in the beginning
at first
and then every once in a while
after that